20/20 VISION IN 2020 & BREATHING AGAIN - LESSONS I LEARNED
a few months into the new year
Clarity on a whole other level and 4 ways that I’m embracing 2020
A few months ago, a dear friend of mine shared that she now has 20/20 vision after a recent doctor’s visit. Her diagnosis was symbolic in so many ways (it was right before the New Year), and I shared in her joy. Problems with her vision had caused a great deal of distress during a time that she was stepping into a new career role where the stakes were high. I immediately started thinking about the clarity that I am claiming this year and the vision I have for my life.
Before I go there, let me share what got me here as a result of a few lessons that I learned in 2019—personally, professionally or vicariously through observations from afar of friends, family, acquaintances and colleagues.
SOME CAN, AND SOME CAN’T
I remember writing a story for my high school newspaper, which my English teacher (rest in love to tough-as-nails Laverne Warren ) and I titled, “Some Can, And Some Can’t.” That piece was about the inequities that I saw around me in terms of what some of my peers could get away with, while the rest of us had to follow the rules or suffer consquences. Fast forward to my grown-up self, and that title is still 100% relevant. Sometimes, no matter what you do, it will never be enough for people and there will always be one more thing that you must do to prove yourself worthy—both in personal and professional settings. For others, bare minimum is the name of the game (personally) and the bar is lowered for new opportunities, promotions and elevation (professionally).
IT CHANGES
Weight (for better or worse). Feelings (who hasn’t experienced a range of emotions in a day, week or month?). Stress (not the good kind). Circumstances (good times, bad times or both). So, I’ve made a promise to myself that I will not allow singular moments in time to steal my joy, hard as that may be. In spite of my best intentions, 2019 proved to be a year of discomfort and distractions and “hindsight is 20/20” never rang truer. I can only hope that I’ll eventually look back and it will all make sense someday.
Until then, in my quest for clarity this year, I’ve recently discovered a few simple ways to stay centered through things like meditation apps (for focus and to get to sleep…who knew?), the meditation room at work and stretching. Yes, stretching. I had an amazing massage in Puerto Rico recently and my therapist explained that so many things wrong with our bodies can be fixed through stretching alone. Now that I’ve incorporated stretching into my day (sometimes in the morning, or sometimes for 10 minutes at night before bed), I can truly say I feel and sleep so much better—and I wake up refreshed and ready to conquer the day.
NO RESPONSE IS A RESPONSE
Have you ever helped someone, made your professional goals known or humbled yourself to reach out to a friend or family member during tense situations—all to radio silence? One of my favorite college professors loved Shakespeare’s writings and we studied his work so much that once you finished a semester in her class, you either loved (or hated) them, too. Regardless, you remembered this line from King Lear (because it was her favorite): How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. In the context of this post, the word child can be replaced with friend, family member, employee, employer, student…and the list goes on.
While the silence can be unsettling, there may just come a time when you decide that it is what it is rather than stressing over things that you cannot control. When it comes to human nature, I try not to take everything personal because you never know what a person is going through that would cause them to retreat and exhibit distant behaviors. Some experiences have to be turned over to the Lord to move hearts and move mountains. Since every hard thing cannot be accomplished in our own strength, I’m learning to release weight from my shoulders in every aspect of life and place my energies in the area that I can control: striving to be better than I was yesterday for those that matter and walking in my purpose.
On the other side of this, not responding to negativity is a clear way to maintain boundaries, nip all efforts in the bud from those who seek to evoke negative responses and signal that YOU have the choice to pick and choose your battles. #GoodVibesOnly
WHAT DOESN’T COME OUT IN THE WASH COMES OUT IN THE RINSE
Inequities (e.g., 2019 college admissions scandal)
Racism
Unconscious Bias
etc.
There have been so many times when I've sat back and observed how people can fake the funk and seemingly still find favor. Bad people. Conniving people. Lazy people. People who get by (and opportunities) due to privilege, titles, passes, affiliations, on the backs of others…or simply on their backs. While this can be demoralizing in numerous ways, I’ve found that when I start my day reading and listening to my daily devotional, my mind and perspective shift in such a way that these things don’t take up too much space in my head—even if they are smack dab in my face. By taking my eyes off the things that I see, I am reminded in one way or another to lean not on my own understanding…and to keep my eyes on God. By doing so, I really do feel a sense of peace, and, occasionally, see what it looks like when the “rinse” is final.
Now, moving on to 2020…
CONSIDER THE SOURCE
From this day forward, I am so committed to my peace that it may offend or make some people uncomfortable. Earlier this year, I internalized something that was said so deeply that I allowed it to throw me all the way off my game. Logically, I knew it didn’t make sense, and my mind was saying don't. give. in. Unfortunately, feelings won over logic and what resulted was me determining that I no longer cared about a few things that I once prioritized. It was a pivotal moment for me and one that will define how I move (and respond) in 2020 & beyond. I literally had to take a day to myself to recharge and remember who I am, which brings me to my next point.
OTHERS MAY SLEEP ON YOU…BUT DON’T YOU SLEEP ON YOU
This should go without saying, but we sometimes fall into the trap of forgetting who and whose we are. Quiet moments of self-reflection have helped me get to a place of accepting that everyone will not recognize or appreciate the light in you—but the ones who truly matter do. My advice to anyone struggling in this area is to stay connected to people who know you beyond ‘the face that you prepare to meet the faces that you meet.’ It’s so important to have solid, genuine people in your inner circle who know you well and can speak life into you when life feels under/overwhelming, work feels draining, dreams are deferred or you’re dealing with an inner struggle of jealously and envy. I think this last one (envy) is particularly important because placing attention on what we don’t have and who we are not diminishes the value of what we do have and who we are.
SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND
In other words, I’m not dimming my light for anyone. I am a Libra and by nature I truly encompass the typical things that you might read if you believe what astrology tells us: Diplomatic, Artistic, Intelligent. Let’s focus on the “D” word. Diplomacy is my middle name. I like peace and harmony and mostly strive to give people the benefit of the doubt—even when the signs (no pun intended) are there that I shouldn’t. To make others comfortable, I have sometimes downplayed my strengths in professional settings when surrounded by people who compare themselves to others in an unhealthy way, or when in the company of those blinded by unconscious biases (and that’s mostly because I have nothing to prove to the latter).
Bottom line from this day forward in being my authentic self: If I have to dim my light to make someone else feel good about themselves, this says more about them than it does about me. As a woman, I will always show grace (because grace has been shown to me)—but my crown was inherited, and I will wear it proudly regardless of who is in the room, sitting at the table or “sleeping” on me from the sidelines.
“When you know you are of worth — not asking it but knowing it — you walk into a room with a particular power.”
CONQUER EACH DAY AS IT COMES
Yes, breathe. Or breathe again if you’ve been running on empty (and never take this privilege for granted nor allow other people to suck the life out of you with their “stuff”). I didn’t realize what a gift it truly is to breathe with ease until a fellow tennis chick and I were at a tennis bootcamp last month and she reassured the group that her sniffling wasn’t because she was sick, but rather because she’d just had a long overdue surgery that unblocked her sinuses after living in discomfort for most of her life. In awe of her newfound ability to breathe freely, she just kept saying, “I can’t believe I didn’t do this [surgery] sooner.”
And that, my friends, is what I hope to avoid this year: feeling stifled in my ability to breathe OR looking back saying, “I should’ve done this sooner.” Life is precious and I intend to speak and breathe life into anything meant to distract and deter.
In the meantime and in-between time, I am truly grateful for the blessings that I’ve received thus far in the New Year.
converse + connect
What lessons did you learn in 2019 (and what are you claiming for 2020)?
Can you relate to any of the above?
Comment below (and share with others)…sharing is caring.